Chapter Four
Why Releasing Emotions Makes You Powerful AF, Not Weak
“There is a huge misconception and belief we hold in our cultures around being emotional and how showing emotion makes you weak. This makes me want to vomit in my mouth a little bit.
I feel for men, as this seems to be a huge and poisonous programming for them. “Have another beer and get on with it”, is one of the MANY forms of avoidance and repression for emotion in men.
Truthfully, women aren’t too far off the mark, but instead of repressing sadness, we repress anger, and that repression of anger turns into sadness. Ever been so angry it makes you cry? It’s almost like it’s acceptable for women to be sad but not men, and it’s acceptable for men to be angry, but not women. Well, maybe not anger, but to express rage. It’s not “lady-like”, right? Again, spew.
We are emotional beings, all of us. Every problem, and I mean EVERY problem, that I had personally in the past was all due to suppressed emotion. In every release, I’ve touched a new level of freedom and personal liberation.
Being an emotional being is your superpower. As much as some emotions may “suck” sometimes, you truly are here to experience the full range of emotion, and in that, learn how expansive and powerful you can be within yourself thanks to them. This belief at this point in my life is unwavering.
Here are ten reasons why feeling, expressing, releasing, and allowing emotions, especially the uncomfortable, makes you powerful as fuck, and not weak.
1. Your triggers become less triggering.
When you’re triggered by someone, it’s not that someone is triggering you, it’s that an emotion that is already present within you is being triggered. Meaning, when you allow and release emotion related to triggers and when you use your triggers as opportunities to do look within and heal as opposed to point the finger out, you are taking responsibility for your life and emotional state, and in that, you’re in your power.
Once emotion is released from your body, it isn’t there to be triggered any longer. Meaning, you stop being triggered, making you less reactive and more calm. You feel more grounded, content, and in control of your life. You know and trust yourself more. Basically, you are so solid within yourself that you feel untouchable.
2. Up your self-worth.
When you suppress or avoid emotion, you disempower yourself. Not only that, you’re rejecting a part of yourself that needs attention and love. When you reject a part of yourself, you are unconsciously and simultaneously invalidating yourself and your feelings. Emotional suppression is self-rejection.
When you allow yourself to feel fully any and all emotions, it’s a form of self-acceptance. “I am worthy of feeling whole”.
You’ll learn this more and more as you read this book, but basically, you release worthlessness and just like that, you see your worth. When you know you’re worth, you can begin attracting all that you’re worthy of. You finally feel good enough to have all that you desire.
3. Confidence, confidence, confidence.
Confidence comes in the absence of self-doubt. The absence of self-doubt comes with the release of emotion. Read that again.
When you’re in a place of doubt or fear, it’s not that you’re afraid of what will happen, it’s that you’re afraid of how that may make you feel, which makes you doubt yourself. When you release emotion, you release the very thing that is charging your fears and doubts.
Confidence comes naturally as a byproduct of releasing emotions that keep you in a loop of self-doubt, fear, and anxiety. Your confidence is a reflection of your willingness to be yourself and trust yourself. You trust yourself when you stop rejecting emotional parts of yourself through suppression. FEEL and feel confident.
4. Boundaries.
Ok, so to touch on boundaries now before we get to the chapter, Respect My Fucking Boundaries”, I have to say, your boundaries become clear when you remove the emotion that has you fearful of setting boundaries in the first place.
Both setting boundaries and quitting people pleasing can be scary. This is because you’re afraid of being rejected, abandoned, not accepted, or not being liked. This is understandable, given the conditioning most of us grow up with.
Again, behind every fear is emotion. When you release the emotion behind these fears, maybe the emotion that has you feeling like you’re not good enough, you’re no longer afraid of what others think, because the emotion cannot be ignited. You’ve got you. You stop needing to be liked and accepted because you find that acceptance within yourself.
To add, when you release lower vibrational emotions, your whole energy shifts, and you’ll find out that, organically, you no longer need to voice your boundaries - your new energy does that for you.
5. Love, compassion, empathy.
I was on a call with a client, and we intentionally went back to an event that happened when she was fifteen years old, to be with and feel out the anger she felt towards her sister.
She was angry at her sister for always taking the attention and being selfish in her actions. This one particular event, her sister took her parents attention when she also needed them, leaving my client feeling resentful and angry towards her sister, which was perpetuated by multiple experiences from this moment.
On our call, I guided her through a process where she revisited that emotion, I got her to vent to me, tell me what she would have loved to have said to her sister, things like, “you’re just so fucking selfish”, “it’s not fair”. Then, we screamed into our pillows together, as I decided to do it alongside her (emotions have opened up my ability to feel emotions alongside some people). Then we got up and moved our bodies, we were shaking and jumping around, then throwing our pillows on the floor in front of us, to further release any leftover rage.
Afterwards, she looked at me and said, “wow, I feel fucking amazing”. Then I said to her, “Can you see now that your sister was just doing all she knew to feel that love and connection that she needed at that challenging time of your lives? Can you see that she was doing this from her own level of perception and can you now see her with compassion for the pain she was experiencing at that time?”. She said, “yes, wow, she didn’t know anything else”.
From that moment, she could see her sister through a new lens. She could see her with love, compassion and empathy, without it taking from her own energy. She could finally let go.
The anger she was feeling towards her sister was clouding the truth behind the situation. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. By being with your own emotions, you can understand and be more accepting of others and where they’re at.
Your blame and resentment is a statement that you hold no power over your emotional state, that another person holds that power. When you allow yourself to fully feel, you are in control of your emotional state, and you see others with compassion. It always comes back to you. This is effective for all relationships, but what about romantic relationships?
6. Feminine and masculine strengths.
I am going to say “men” and “women” but know this could be any feminine and masculine energy in any intimate relationship.
Men, it is sexy as fuck to be in touch with your emotions. When you are in touch with your emotions, you can better hold women in their emotions.
The feminine is an emotional feeling being, and ultimately, this is what the feminine needs. A woman wants to feel safe to express her emotion without a man trying to fix or get defensive, like how she feels is an attack on him.
This also comes back to her energy, because it’s really hard for a woman to attract the man she desires, or have her man hold her in her emotions if she can’t first hold herself. When she can hold herself in her emotions, and is emotionally empowered, he feels that. He feels her power and, in her power, the detachment of the need for him to fix her.
She comes from a place of knowing what she needs with clarity as opposed to seeking his love to help her regulate her emotional state. She has done that already. She can hold herself in her emotions. This helps him to feel safe to hold her too.
Insecurity is a breeding place for miscommunication and argument. When a woman can hold herself and feel secure in herself, the masculine feels safe to hold her too. When he can hold her without projecting, without fixing, by just supporting, it opens her heart even more.
The heart is the gateway to a woman’s orgasm (now I am talking about women). The first man that could hold me in my emotions, was the first man to give me an orgasm during sex. More on this later, but at thirty-four, my heart was finally open. Thank you, emotions.
7. Your physical health improves.
I already mentioned my autoimmune, right? The psoriasis, that on three separate occasions throughout my life, covered my entire body. I would bleed on my sheets through scratching through the night. My whole body was red and inflamed and I remember wearing long sleeve shirts, turtle necks, and long pants to work or anytime I left the house to cover up my skin, not that that stopped anyone from commenting on my hands. Maybe gloves would have been a wise investment.
When I started this work, I had red, raised, itchy patches all over my butt. I was thankful I could cover it easily, but it was still uncomfortable.
I tried everything for my psoriasis, including phototherapy, topical creams, and even methotrexate and one other experimental drug, which did nothing except damage my body even more.
Miraculously, the one thing that did help me, was when I began to feel and release deeper emotions. My flare ups subsided. How much are we missing in our standard health care system? Way too fucking much.
This is just one example of how feeling can help you physically. Your gut and brain are also directly connected. When you can release emotion, your mind calms, you stress less, and your body thrives. Your gut health improves, which is the center of everything. Ninety percent of serotonin is produced in the gut, as is approximately seventy percent of your immunity. It’s a powerful epicenter for your overall health. Look after it!
If you really want to go down a rabbit hole with this, I’d encourage you to. You’ll come to learn that majority of physical health issues could be related back to emotion.
How else can your physical health improve through the release of emotion? Well, as you raise your vibration, through the shifting of lower vibrational energies, the lower vibrational foods and drinks you once consumed naturally fall away. You feel less called to drinking alcohol, eating sugar, and eating fast foods as a result of your raised vibration and improved gut health. As well, at this point, you no longer have anything to avoid or suppress through alcohol or food consumption or tv or anything else. Those emotions, you now feel them instead of suppressing them. You no longer need to reach for things to escape the uncomfortable emotions.
You’re now comfortable with the uncomfortable. In that, you rise.
8. You become powerfully connected to yourself and your intuition.
You have so much more clarity. Emotion clouds your judgment and has you making choices from a place of fear, guilt, or otherwise, as opposed to decisions from your higher self. When there is no emotion, all that is left is your connection to your truth. More on this in the upcoming chapter, Fearless.
Emotions can also be useful guides. Your emotions are energetic indications of your alignment or misalignment with your truth and your values. Can you seek to learn from them as they arise? If you feel hurt, for example, is that indicating to you that something you value had been disrespected by someone. If you feel anger, is that indicating that a boundary of yours has been crossed? If you feel some disharmony, in what ways in your life are you misaligned with what is true for you? Use your emotions as guidance, always guiding you back to you.
9. Conscious creation.
I don’t want to give to much away here, because I have a whole chapter titled, Conscious Creation, and as I said in the last chapter, you can’t just skip to the “good” part, or you could but it wouldn’t be as effective, so I will simply say this.
By feeling long held emotions, you are releasing resistance towards the things that you want. By influencing emotions, you can magnetise toward you the things that you desire.
Emotions are what make you a powerful manifestor… not bypassing the emotion you’re afraid to feel because you hold the belief it will attract you what you don’t want. Bypassing is exactly what attracts you what you don’t want, because you’re holding on to that vibrational energy, rather than releasing it. Bypassing weakens your ability to manifest your desired life.
10. Contrast.
I may repeat myself, but I trust this will serve you. You can’t have light without dark. Meaning, you can’t experience joy and love to the fullest extent, when you’re holding onto opposing vibration.
When you give yourself permission to feel out the more challenging emotions, such as anger and grief, you are giving yourself permission to feel the full contrast of those emotions.
The more you suppress, the more you stay in a lower vibrational energy, the more you’re triggered, the more you become a victim to your external world, instead of the creator of it. Which do you choose?
Allowing yourself to feel, express, and release emotions is a superpower that gives you unimaginable strength, courage, and potentiality. Don’t deny yourself of that. You are magic. Be in your magic.”
