There was a time in my life when I felt stuck, weighed down by anxiety, and convinced that happiness was just not in the cards for me. I cycled through toxic relationships, numbed myself with alcohol and substances, and felt disconnected from who I truly was. Looking back now, I see all those struggles as mirrors and opportunities for growth. But what really changed? What took me from surviving to thriving? Here are the five pivotal shifts that transformed my life:

1. I Took Radical Ownership of My Experiences

This is a big one, and honestly, it wasn’t easy at first. For the longest time, I lived in a victim mentality:

"They did that to me."

"You made me feel this way."

"Nothing ever goes right."

Sound familiar? It’s easy to point the finger at external circumstances, people, or events. But what I came to realize is this: life is happening for me and from me. Every experience, good or bad, I was co-creating. This truth was both empowering and uncomfortable because it meant I had to stop playing the victim. The first step to changing my reality was owning my role in it. When you take radical responsibility for how you show up in life, you unlock the power to change it. Own your story, own your growth, and watch how things shift.

2. I Became an Observer of My Thoughts Instead of Identifying with Them

We all have that inner voice, the one that can sometimes feel like an endless loop of negativity, doubt, or fear. For the longest time, I believed every thought that passed through my mind. But I learned to pause, take a step back, and observe. The key is not to attach to the thought but to approach it with curiosity. When a destructive thought shows up, instead of spiraling into it, I’d say, “Oh, that’s interesting!” and ask myself where it’s coming from. Sometimes, it’s just about noticing and letting it go.

The more I practiced this, the more I realised that my mind is not who I am. You are not your thoughts. You are the observer, and when you learn to step into that role, your mind loses its power to control your emotions. And… you can more effortlessly feel your emotions that most of the time, are charging your thoughts in the first place.

3. I Allowed Myself to Feel—Truly Feel

Here’s something wild: feelings were meant to be felt. Who knew, right? But we spend so much of our lives avoiding, numbing, or pushing away emotions. I realised that emotions are behind every fear, every insecurity, every pattern in my life that I wanted to break.

Once I embraced my emotions—fully felt them instead of resisting or avoiding them—I empowered myself. I saw that when you allow emotions to flow, they don’t control you. Instead, you transform them, and in the process, you evolve into higher states of consciousness. The anxiety that used to consume me? I said goodbye to it when I started feeling, really feeling, and stopped running from what was inside.

4. I Let Go of Control

This was a tough one, but letting go changed everything. I used to be in a constant state of trying—trying to control outcomes, trying to be somewhere other than where I was, trying to fix myself or my life. But it was exhausting. When I finally let go, I surrendered to the present moment and started appreciating my life exactly as it was.

Trusting the journey over trying to force it allowed me to shift out of fear. I let go of the belief that where I was wasn’t enough or that I wasn’t enough. The truth is, you are always enough, just as you are, right here and now. Let go of the need to control, and instead, embrace the flow of life. Everything unfolds exactly as it’s meant to.

5. I Cultivated Daily Habits That Connect Me to My Higher Self

Transformation isn’t about grand gestures; it’s in the daily, consistent habits that reconnect you with yourself. For me, these habits include movement, meditation, journaling, and play. They aren’t rigid; I allow myself to flow with what I feel called to do. Some days, I journal, others I move my body, and some days I simply rest and play.

These habits became the foundation of my life, small actions that, over time, made the biggest impact. Your connection to yourself is sacred. When you nurture that relationship, you create a life that reflects your highest potential.

In Conclusion: Life Isn’t Meant to Be a Struggle

The irony is, we often have to experience struggle before we realize this. Up until I was 31, I lived with anxiety, depression, and the belief that I’d never be happy. I faced toxic relationships, substance abuse, and deep inner turmoil. But now, I see my anxiety as a gift, a signal that something was out of alignment. My relationship struggles were mirrors reflecting my inner chaos, and my coping mechanisms were simply my way of trying to escape the disconnect from myself.

The biggest shift? Realising that happiness is a choice. You can heal. You can create new, epic realities for yourself without the struggle. It all starts with taking responsibility, becoming the observer, feeling your emotions, letting go, and creating small, consistent habits that bring you back to you.

If you’re ready to step into a deeper knowing of who you are, I recommend reading my books, *You Don’t Have Anxiety* & *Becoming Her*

OR if you prefer a more interactive and powerful way of reconnecting to YOU, take my online course, Becoming Her. As a thank you for reading this blog, use this discount code to receive 20% off: ‘IAMHER20’

5 Transformative Shifts That Took Me from Anxious and Unhappy to Thriving and In Love with Life